Support YOU deserve doing a divorce
Anxious. Confused. Overwhelmed. Angry. Scared. Relieved. Each of these emotions are consistent with the emotional roller coaster a divorce brings. Please do not embark this course alone. You are not alone. Several resources exist to help you both survive and navigate the divorce process, as dignified as possible.
Let’s start with friends and family- the most innate response to beginning a divorce is to lean on these trusted members of your circle. I cannot reiterate enough how damaging this can be to you, and potentially to your relationship with them. Accept their support as a family and friend, but not your divorce professional. Their support is crucial during your healing process. Focus on your professional team for guidance and advice, in their respective areas of expertise.
What resources should you consider, or start with?
1. Your Therapist- Divorce is a trauma. This isn’t intended to scare you, but to acknowledge the truth of the situation. The emotional roller coaster, which you probably have already begun, is a lot. Finding a trusted therapist to support you on this journey is priceless. Working with a therapist to look at your role post-divorce- what does this look like? And navigating new goals for this next phase of life has huge benefits to YOU and your family. They can help you explore your patterns, choices, and behaviors so you may choose healthy steps forward for yourself.
2. Your local Non-Profits- Most communities offer non-profit services or resources to support divorcing spouses. A quick search in your local community will reveal resources you may not have been aware of- why would you be until now? In Santa Barbara, California we have the Legal Aide Foundation of Santa Barbara County.
3. CDFA™ or Financial Advisor- “Will I be okay financially? Will I have to leave under a bridge?” These burning, paralyzing questions are common. You are not alone. Having a second set of eyes on your settlement and financial projections, before you sign, achieves two important things: (1) Eases the anxiety of the unknown allowing you to make informed decisions, (2) Allows you to reach a settlement more efficiently, and quickly, now that you understand what this means for YOU, and (3) Helps avoid unwelcome surprises down the road. Granted, I am biased here! But it’s so true and why I opened this business- there is a great need.
4. The Internet, cautiously- With divorce becoming almost common place, there are tremendous resources online with a wealth of information for FREE! Take your time, go slow and be patient with yourself. Divorce is a huge world, and it will take time to get your bearings. Check out blogs, directories, articles and more. Often times communities have meetup.com support groups. Grief is a part of the emotional journey and where many become stuck. Finding a safe place to process this trauma will eventually lead you towards your next chapter and moving on.
Divorce is hard. I won’t sugar coat that. But there are ways to make it “less hard”, which you should take advantage of. You will eventually find your happiness and make good decisions for yourself. Looking at a blank canvas can be intimidating OR it can be exciting and fun as you paint the next chapter of your life. You deserve it.
