Is an ethical divorce possible?

Your marriage suffered a crisis and now you are going through a divorce. Is it possible to keep your divorce ethical? Keep in mind that a staggering 5% of cases are actually litigated, meaning they go to court with a Judge deciding the outcome. How do you maintain an ethical stance during a process aimed to pit parties against one another, fostering blame, punishment, and resentment?  

We have all heard the horror stories and commentary that only the attorneys win during a divorce. It doesn’t have to be this way- I promise! A quick paradigm shift aiming to be the best divorced family you can be, will serve everyone well. Screaming, “I will see you in Court and see what the judge says”, is often ineffective, disappointing to the screaming party and leaving you with far less money in your pocket in the end. The Court is not there to punish your future ex-spouse, nor do they care about how horrible they treated you. California is a no-fault state, it doesn’t matter. As hard as it to hear, the Courts do not care. 

I respect the court system for business disputes, and more. But we are talking about a family situation. A delicate family situation where the family is going through a crisis. I don’t believe court is the answer, nor will I ever. It encourages sides, confrontational and often combative interactions. Fighting is exhausting, no matter how badly you wish to “win” or “shame your ex in the public for their terrible decisions that hurt you”, or to prove that you are the victim. The courts are less sympathetic than you would think. They are there to look at the pertinent facts and make the best decision given the information they have. 

Neither of you are criminals, yet you often will feel like one along the court process. Attorneys, mediators, financials and mental health professionals are in the midst of a movement. A movement away from litigation and solving problems through a collaborative process, including mediation. More ethical processes exist! We can support families that have determined two households is the next step. This can happen with love, understanding and an ethical system to support individuals along the way.